When Times Are Turbulent, Cultivate Gratitude
“Gratitude doesn’t deny the darkness; it simply refuses to give it power.”
— Kristi Nelson, Wake Up Grateful: The Transformative Practice of Taking Nothing for Granted
Gratitude arises naturally in humans and other primates. It is woven into our very nature. When we become aware of the good things in the world or the gifts we have received, a quiet sense of thankfulness can emerge. This awareness doesn’t deny suffering in others or in ourselves. Gratitude is not a matter of positive thinking; it is a deeper recognition that our lives are sustained by sources beyond our own.
Scientists have studied gratitude for many years, and the list of benefits is remarkable. Gratitude enhances both mental and physical health, deepens our relationships, and inspires us to bring more goodness into the world. It can enrich every aspect of life: personal, professional, and spiritual.
Collectively, gratitude has the power to transform the times we live in.
Neuroscientists have shown that we can reshape our brains through the practice of giving and receiving gratitude. When we experience genuine thankfulness, the regions of the brain linked to social bonding and stress relief light up, creating pathways of calm, connection, and joy. Over time, these moments of gratitude nurture positive neural development, rewiring the mind toward greater resilience and well-being.
For gratitude to take root, it must flow both ways, given and received.
Many of us are not good at receiving. We rush to give, to help, to serve, but when kindness flows toward us, we often shrink back. Some of us even feel a sense of indebtedness, as if receiving creates a burden rather than a blessing.
The next time someone offers to pay a bill, brings you a gift, or speaks words of gratitude, pause. Take a breath. Let the moment in. Accept it graciously, and allow yourself to feel the quiet warmth of being seen and valued.
Receiving is not passive. It is an act of trust and openness. When we receive fully, we complete the sacred circle of exchange between giver and receiver. We can all practice becoming better receivers, allowing appreciation to land in the heart without deflecting or dismissing it.
As we move into the holiday season, the pressures of family gatherings, or the ache of their absence, can test our resilience. This time of heightened social expectation often amplifies feelings of loneliness and diminishment. This is the season to reach gently toward one another, to offer and receive kindness, and to remember that belonging often begins with the smallest act of care.
These moments of connection form the living fabric of what scientists now call our “social biome.”
It’s important to cultivate a healthy social biome, the living web of relationships, interactions, and emotional exchanges that surround and sustain each of us. Just as our gut microbiome depends on diverse organisms to support physical health, our social biome thrives on the quality and variety of our human connections. These relationships influence our mental, emotional, and even biological well-being.
When we contemplate gratitude, we often focus on our dyadic relationships — the one-to-one connections that shape our daily lives. Yet each of these relationships exists within a larger web of belonging: family, community, nation, and world. Each is intricately interconnected and continuously influencing one another.
The vastness of this web begins in the smallest of places, right where we stand.
A gratitude practice can begin on a very local level. Take a moment to thank the cashier at the grocery store or to compliment a neighbor on her holiday spirit. These small gestures matter. A shared moment affirms our belonging to one another. Each exchange, however brief, is an act of recognition: I see you, and we are in this world together.
Ritual Practice:
Who Do I Belong To?
To bring the spirit of gratitude into daily life, we can turn to small, evidence-based rituals — journaling, writing gratitude letters, practicing gratitude meditations, or taking mindful “savoring” walks. These simple acts help weave thankfulness into the fabric of our days.
Ultimately, gratitude flourishes in relationship. We all live within a web of relationships — family, friends, mentors, ancestors and even the natural world. Yet in the busyness of modern life, we often overlook the quality or strength of these attachments. Some ties are vibrant and close; others stretch thin across time or distance. All are part of the living exchange of energy that shapes and sustains us.
Step 1: The Web of Relationships
On a sheet of paper, draw a web that radiates outward from the center. You may also access an enlarged version of the web here. Write your name in the innermost circle.
Step 2: Mapping Your Connections
In the next circle, write the names of your closest relationships, those whose presence feels most immediate and sustaining.
Continue filling the outer circles with family members, friends, colleagues, or others, including animal companions, with whom you feel a sense of connection. Create a space for your ancestors as well. Possibly they float in a different dimension.
As you build your web, you may notice the natural movement of relationships. Some may shift inward as you recognize their closeness; others may move outward as their presence fades or changes. Let intuition guide where each name belongs. This is a living map of the energy exchange that shapes your life.
Step 3: Reflection and Discovery
When your web feels complete, take a few moments to study what you’ve created. Let your awareness soften as you reflect on the flow of energy within your web. Relationships are living systems. They expand and contract, brighten and fade, yet each one contributes to the wholeness of your circle.
Reflective questions:
What surprised me as I mapped my web of relations?
Which connections feel nourishing and reciprocal?
Are there relationships that need tending, healing, or release?
Step 4: Express Your Gratitude
Choose one or more people to contact and express your gratitude for their presence in your life. This can be done verbally (in person or virtually) or through a simple written message (a letter, email, or text). It need not be lengthy; a few sincere words are enough.
At times, you may also feel called to release someone from your web of relations. To honor this transition, write them a note expressing what needs to be said. Then burn or bury it. Afterward, gently remove their name from your web.
Keep your Web of Relations in a place where you can visit it often. Let it remind you to continue expressing gratitude for those who sustain you through these turbulent times.
Tools to Enhance Your Gratitude
The Social Biome: How Everyday Communication Connects and Shapes Us by Andy J. Merolla and Jeffrey A. Hall, (2025). Learn more on Amazon
Drawing on their extensive research, the authors offer a new way to understand human connection, as living “social biomes,” intricate ecosystems of relationship and exchange. Within these biomes, every encounter becomes a seed of meaning, shaping who we are and how we experience the world.
The Gratitude Project: How the Science of Thankfulness Can Rewire Our Brains for Resilience, Optimism, and the Greater Good, edited by Jeremy Adam Smith, Kira M. Newman, Jason Marsh, and Dacher Keltner (2020). Learn more on Amazon
Born from a multiyear collaboration between the Greater Good Science Center and Robert Emmons of the University of California, Davis, The Gratitude Project invites us to rediscover gratitude as both ancient wisdom and modern science. Drawing from cutting-edge research, numerous professionals reveal how gratitude evolved within us, how it shapes the brain, and how it transforms the way we live, love, and belong.
Living in Gratitude: Mastering the Art of Giving Thanks Every Day by Angeles Arrien (2013). Learn more on Amazon
Angeles Arrien has long been one of my favorite teachers. In Living in Gratitude, she weaves together social science, timeless wisdom, and cross-cultural stories, prayers, and practices drawn from traditions around the world. The result is a twelve-month journey that invites us to make gratitude the foundation of everyday life.
Grateful Living Online
Grateful Living is a global nonprofit dedicated to helping people live with purpose through the transformative practice of living gratefully. They offer many free, online, life-affirming programs, educational resources, and content to support your daily life through both joyful and challenging times. I have received an inspirational daily quote from Grateful Living for many years. Plus, I often send friends their ecards to show my gratitude.
